STORY OF ELIJAH

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets

of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon

the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar.

He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would

have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when

little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly,

"and she turned into a telephone pole!"

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten,

robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama.

Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would

you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were

in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

MOSES &THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher

told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.

Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the

Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about th e task

-- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rickey was so nervous.

When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's

all I need to know."

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments,"answered the lady.

FUEL EFFICIENT

While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had

a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle:

Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.

THE COMFORTER

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your Quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later

in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was

about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOUR ONCE IN A WHILE....

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?

A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan...)

Last updated 4th December 2008